Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Spring Has Really Sprung!

I'm feeling much, much better today- with the added bonus of not being all foggy headed and tired from a NyQuil hangover. Managed to maintain at 176 (despite having a baked potato after dinner last night in a fit of hanger, and SMOTHERING it in butter like always), and even got about 60% of a workout done yesterday, despite hocking up about 3 pounds of lung buttah, so I'm slowly getting back on track.

Started some gardening today too, which also required hauling the vacuum to the back. There was quite a bit of spilled dirt to clean up, thanks to Groucho "helping" :-P I learned a sweet gardening tip- all the wool I've got sitting in bags that didn't make the cut for spinning because it was waste from combing has now found a place at the bottom of my pots. Stretches my potting soil further, and as the wool breaks down and rots, it releases nitrogen and all sorts of stuff plants need. What an awesome way to combine two things I love!

I finally fixed my hair yesterday too. Bit the bullet and applied Color Oops! to get as much of the previous dye jobs out as I could. It mostly worked, there's still some really dark color around the bottom part of my face, but with the red application after, it still looks pretty cool. The entire underside of my hair is glorious, glowing red, so if I wear it half up, it looks downright stunning. I was briefly half blonde again though, after the Color Oops!, and it made me really miss being blonde. Gotta earn the blonde back, though. When I get down to 125 pounds, at least- if not 120. But I think at 150 I'll spring for new glasses, and get back to contacts as well.

I'm still astonished at how relatively easy losing the weight has been. Literally, just working out every other day, and having a bit more control with food, and I've already lost 12 pounds. The key is staying motivated and having discipline. That's really it. Also, being honest with yourself as to how much you're eating. But with so many free apps out there to track food intake and calories these days, there's really no excuse as to why you shouldn't know how many calories you're consuming on a daily basis, and how many you actually need to maintain/gain/lose weight. I aim for 1200 or under a day, and though under 1200 isn't ideal, it happens.

Ok, gotta get back to gardening. It's lovely and gray and rainy out right now, and there's a delicious breeze coming in through the windows. Perfect day to start some green happening <3

Saturday, April 23, 2016

The plague...

... It's here, ugh. My fella brought it home, and when it hit me, it came in the form of brutal fevers. And now I've got the whole stuffy nose, brutal cough thing. Double dosing on dayquil isn't even fixing my nose. Did I mention it's brutal?

On the bright side, I'm down to 176 now. Not being able to work out is making me really frustrated though. Fuck this noise. Guess I'll try to sleep a little more. I'm really brain dead lately, thanks to the plague. Bahhhhh.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Dietary Discipline

...is something I've never really had. Since I've literally known starvation, my attitude towards food most of my adult life has been  EAT IT QUICK! When you've got it, stock up! Eat until you're full to bursting! Ridiculous, I know.

So today, my fella was home sick, and when I announced I was going out to stock up on green tea, he asked if I could bring home ice cream for him. I don't remember how cheese puffs entered the conversation, but at first I was like UH UH. Not bringing that into the house- I'll fucking eat them! But then, I thought to myself sternly, it's time you learned to fucking control yourself around food instead of acting like a rabid fucking animal.

I went to the store, and I got him a big ol' bag of cheese puffs and mango ice cream. Knowing that I would be sorely tempted, and that I had only consumed black coffee, two carrots, and a dill pickle spear up until that point, I thought to get myself a healthy, small snack. HAHAHA SURPRISE, THERE WERE NONE. Forsooth, 'twas a veritable wasteland of fat and calories everywhere, and knowing that we were having steak for dinner tonight, I sullenly and miserably decided on NOTHING, knowing that carrots and pickles awaited me at home.

The hanger that I experienced threatened to spiral out of control, but I breathed in and out, and locked myself in the back room with some iced black coffee and water, and dove head first back into the skirt I've been knitting. I was extremely successful- not a morsel of either cheese puffs nor ice cream passed my lips! Of course, I did have to run out and get chewing gum- but discovered that Rite Aid was having a sale, so I got 6 packs for $5.

HOLY SHIT I INTERRUPT THIS BLOG TO TELL YOU THAT AS OF RIGHT NOW, I AM OFFICIALLY 179.6 POUNDS :-D

FIRST GOAL WEIGHT ACHIEVED!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, did not expect that to happen tonight. Damn. Daaaammmmn. YEAH GIRL.

Also, I would like to mention that yesterday was quite the ego day for me. I went out to busk (played violin in the subway for a few hours) and three guys took my picture, one of whom blew me a kiss. One woman (absolutely gorgeous, I might add) asked if I frequented the station often, and told me I was beautiful. And then, when out grocery shopping, our cashier told me I looked "AMAZING!" (Her emphasis, not mine.)

Thanks for the encouragement, world! <3

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Cardio is SABOTAGE?!

That's what I learned yesterday. Apparently it's no coincidence that I started walking excessively and suddenly, my progress halted. Excessive, slower cardio, such as long, brisk walks, will cause your body to up its cortisol levels, which in turn causes you to store more fat around your belly.

THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

So, I'm keeping my walks between 1-3 a week. A shame, because I was really enjoying a new game I invented, called Get Fucking Lost, where I'd wander out in a direction, miles past anywhere I'd been before. I've discovered some gorgeous places. If I had a bike- but no, because riding a bike in this city terrifies me. Uh uh. Oh well, at least I'll save money on walking shoes. And my weight is now hovering at 181, a pound above my lowest, so hopefully tomorrow I will start showing progress again. At LEAST down to 180, please body? Thank you <3

Friday, April 15, 2016

NOOOOOOO! IT'S A PLATEAAUUUUU!!!!!!!!!

Ugggghhhh. I am a land whale. A hamplanet. A blubbery mass of sadness and despair :-(

Actually, it seems like I'm not getting enough calories or something. I ate 957 yesterday, and burned most of them off. I might try not working out for a few days. The key to breaking through a plateau is to trick the body, and I am well versed in the art of trickery. 

Yesterday was a rough day. The girls caught their first, real live mouse, and didn't kill it. Just stunned it, a state in which it remained while I wailed hysterically about the poor suffering creature in my living room. I managed to get it into a paper bag, and brought it outside with some minced up carrot bits, and it seemed quite lively by the time I got it into one of the flower boxes outside. This after I discover that a friend of mine was in the hospital after a giant anxiety attack. Then my fella gets home, apparently having a rough day of his own, and decided to take it out on me. He apologized, but fuuuuuuck that shit. Then I went for a long walk after dinner, proudly showing him the 4.6 mile route I had carved out. His response? "That's gay." 

And that's okay. I don't need his approval or validation. I'm losing this weight for me, not him. I know he prefers heavier chicks. My sister is supporting my efforts, thankfully. I'd like to think I don't need a cheerleader, but it's so much easier to stay motivated when you know someone is rooting for you. I was hoping to have more support from him, because he's so knowledgeable about weight loss and body building, but whatever. I've got the internet, and I've got time. 

I AM NOT GIVING UP. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A Body In Motion, Blah Blah

So my sister decided to send me an early birthday present of a fitness tracker- a Jawbone UP3. I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS. THING. We compete daily to see who walks more. On days I don't lift weights, I'm doing 6 mile walks. On days I do, three miles. The goal is to go over 10k steps a day. I've been really good about logging all my food, drinking enough water, and changing my sleep habits. It tracks sleep habits too, and heart rate- I was pleased to discover I have an average resting BPM of 56! Average is between 60 and 90, and the lower the number, the better.
I'm a little less thrilled about my weight loss trajectory though. I guess I understand that it's not a continuous downward line but ffs I was literally a pound away from my first goal weight! Now heaven knows when I'll see it. Hopefully by the end of the week? I jumped up three pounds and have been crawling back down since. I've been stricter about food intake also, so that ought to show results soon too.
I wish I could fast forward the process, but Rome wasn't built in a day and all that. Just have to keep moving and not get discouraged. 

Monday, April 4, 2016

WHEW!

Reorganized the order of the exercises in my routine, added two, upped the reps, and changed weights on some of them. HUGE DIFFERENCE. I feel satisfied now. That was a damn good workout. 

Saturday, April 2, 2016

New and Improved!

...er, sort of. I know it's been a while, but what happened to my background?! Bah humbug.

Anyhow, here I am. Major changes have been set into motion in my life, and though the origins were painful, I'm grateful to them. I've finally, truly been forced to confront things clearly in my life, and to admit consciously that I'm just not happy with my life at the moment. I'm going in a new direction in regards to my business too, and I'm recommitting to losing weight again. Only this time it's different- I've put more of a mental emphasis on it. I've had to practically lobotomize myself to get myself in the right frame of mind, but it's really clicking now. I'm finally drinking enough water, I'm attacking my relationship with food (tonight was really fucking hard, and I didn't do so well, but I'm still just starting out, here) and I'm back to lifting weights again. Except OH SURPRISE SURPRISE, third time I've started a weight routine, and third time I've immediately come down with a cold. The first two times, this knocked me off course. This time, I'm staying put. Apparently, the changes in your body reach as far as the immune system once you start working out- something about antibodies, blah blah I don't really remember what my fella said. But, I've lost two pounds, an inch off my waist, a half inch off my arms, a half inch off my hips, and a half inch off my calves after just three workouts, and getting stricter about what I eat. I'm not giving up this time. I've got a weekly progress tracker I drew up, and I've got a sweet little rewards can I painted in hot pink and black- it says FUCK FAT on one side and DON'T QUIT on the other. Every pound lost gets a penny, and every workout gets a nickel, though I should probably up it to ten cents a workout and a quarter a pound. I was just really short on change when I came up with those numbers, haha. I've got a secret Pinterest board up too, that only I can see, since it has nothing to do with yarn or knitting or my business, and it too is called FUCK FAT. I've also got a linen bracelet made of my own recycled yarn on my wrist, with five beads on it, each bead representing two inches I want to take off my waist. I'm going to get back into cardio too- I'll be going on long walks again, and I'm gonna add jumping rope this time. Just have to get a new mp3 player- going out is no fun without music on! All that aside, I'm still 14 pounds down from my highest weight.

My relationship with food is a passionate one, but it needs to change. I fucking love fruits and veggies, and I don't crave sweets or fried foods for the most part. I don't keep crappy food around, period, so I can't eat it. But... every Saturday, is Chinese food, and every Sunday is some local place or other now, and every Friday is Chipotle burritos... I've finally found a non guilt inducing Chinese dish (not on the diet menu- their diet options are revolllttinnnggggguhhhh) but my problem now is how to stop eating BEFORE I'm painfully full. I yell at my older cat when she eats too much, too fast, and winds up puking it up everywhere, but I do the same thing- minus the puking. What a hypocrite I am, eh? It's harder for me though, because the food keeps getting pushed in front of me, and if the food is there, I'M GONNA WANT TO FUCKING EAT IT. I wish my fella didn't love shitty food so much.

I've been knitting up a storm lately, on SKIRTS. I'm really excited to be able to wear them when I get thinner. Once my gut shrinks, they are gonna look F I N E fiiiiiiine. They're done in linen stitch, in all different yarns- recycled, novelty, etc. One is neon and a pencil skirt with a slit in the back, and one is mostly soft greens and pinks, fitted, until a ruffle at the bottom. And the third, which I'm still working on, is fiery and sparkly and all the colors of autumn, and it's going to be a short a-line. All three are drawstring tops, to allow for the shrinkage of my body. I need to get better about putting projects up on Ravelry. I'm calling them the War and Peace skirts, because I've been mostly listening to the audio book on YouTube as I work on them (all 60 fucking hours of it!). I'm really not sure how I got so sucked into it, because that Tolstoy was a verbose motherfucker, but I'm really into it now, much to my own surprise

In other news, I've decided to learn Russian, just for fun... I've dyed my hair red again, and I've been REALLY into a genre of music lately called Retrowave. It's like 80's action movie music, and I don't know why I'm so fucking into it. Much of it sounds the same. Synthesizers, driving beats, chilly ambiance, not many (if any) lyrics... but it just feels so righteous, and ...sexy? I dunno. It resonates with me for whatever reason.

Ehhhhh, I think that's about it for now, I suppose. Drinking all this water and tea (which I no longer put any sugar in- I cut out all sugar from my tea cold turkey!) is making me pee like I've never fucking peed before. It's especially irritating when I'm trying to fall asleep.

I guess I'll probably update in another few weeks or so, I dunno. I'd like to update more than that, to record progress that the numbers don't show, but we'll see. Peace out!