Pretty proud of myself right now. I went from being completely numb and paralyzed, mentally (NO, a good night's sleep did NOT help, and I woke up tired and completely unrefreshed) to unkinked and ready to move forward. Seriously, I felt fucking lobotomized. I figured out why, though: For the first time, my mind did preemptively what it usually does defensively in reaction to a traumatic experience. Because I saw only two outcomes, both resulting in pain, my mind immediately created a barrier to protect me. I could not access my previous feelings, thoughts, etc on the subject because my mind believed that going forward would only result in a negative outcome. (Jeez, the mind is a powerful thing, isn't it?)
The only thing I could do, then, was to allow myself to envision a third outcome- that of a happy, smiling, successful me, radiant and doing what I love to do best. In doing so, I was able to go right past that stupid wall and leave all previous thoughts and feelings behind- I am starting over with this mentally, with fresh eyes and a fresh mind, and focusing solely on the best possible outcome. I cannot even allow myself to think of what happens IF I am not successful- there is no if, only do. Do or do not, there is no try, and all that.
The rest of tonight will be spent re-assessing the categories themselves, and disregarding previous ideas completely. Tomorrow I will email Mr. Founder with all new ideas and my latest sketch.
Fuck's sake girl, have some confidence in yourself. You are capable of great things. You are MEANT for great things, and you will accomplish great things, whether willingly or kicking and screaming. Pick that chin up and enjoy the fucking ride already!
The only thing I could do, then, was to allow myself to envision a third outcome- that of a happy, smiling, successful me, radiant and doing what I love to do best. In doing so, I was able to go right past that stupid wall and leave all previous thoughts and feelings behind- I am starting over with this mentally, with fresh eyes and a fresh mind, and focusing solely on the best possible outcome. I cannot even allow myself to think of what happens IF I am not successful- there is no if, only do. Do or do not, there is no try, and all that.
The rest of tonight will be spent re-assessing the categories themselves, and disregarding previous ideas completely. Tomorrow I will email Mr. Founder with all new ideas and my latest sketch.
Fuck's sake girl, have some confidence in yourself. You are capable of great things. You are MEANT for great things, and you will accomplish great things, whether willingly or kicking and screaming. Pick that chin up and enjoy the fucking ride already!
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