Sherlock Holmes on the radio, chili chocolate... and knitting my first Annis

And yes, that's recycled cotton from one of the sweaters I unraveled. I screwed up slightly on the second half, but there's no way in hell I'm going back 363 effin' stitches. So it'll be a special Annis ;-) Lesson learned: Use as many stitch markers as you need (in this case, 29!) RIGHT FROM THE EFFIN' START. Also, I've never done short rows before, so I'm sure that'll be an adventure too. (Read: I'll make plenty more mistakes and this won't be going to my sister after all... good thing I've got a LOT more of this yarn ;-) But! I did make peace with reading a pattern from a chart, so I get a fist bump for that. AWW YEEEAHHHH. Gonna do two more rows and make myself sleep... my period finally came and it's making sure I'm very, very aware it's here. Dumb twat... literally! >.< OUCH! 

I did it...

...I watched THE ROOM. In it's entirety. And I don't know how to talk about it, it was so bad. Give a delusional weirdo 6 million to make a movie, and this happens... .... O.O

I don't even know ... I mean... OK, let's talk about something else.


SALVO! I went back and scored two more sweaters today, again both cotton. One a teal women's sweater, one a black men's sweater I had been ogling yesterday. I unraveled the back half of the teal while I watched that awful awful movie.

I don't want to talk anymore. That movie exists. And I can't stop it.

O.O

And the beat goes on...

Still working on my ridiculous novelty yarn scarf... I've decided to come up with a really pretentious name for it, since that seems to be the trend lately. "Snow on Birch Trees", I'll call it. Which reminds me, some guy on the train told me he really liked it. And thought it would make a nice dress... I'm not sure what was in HIS coffee cup, but I'll take some, please!

You know, it may not be a wholly original design, but I don't really give a rat's ass. And I'm pretty sure I finally found a pattern I'm in love with for the Tosh, and it's gorgeous- there are SO MANY GORGEOUS lace knit (and a few crochet)  shawls out there that other people have spent so much time and effort designing, and it really shows. I'm definitely planning on knitting quite a few in the future, as well as designing my own once I get the hang of what I'm doing. And although I *could* easily crochet something plain and simple and utterly boring and brainless based on someone else's super simple and boring pattern (in my sleep, no less), why would I when I'm perfectly capable of taking my knitting/ crocheting skills to the next level by learning something new via someone else's generous gift of a free pattern? Besides, this gorgeous copper yarn is way too good to waste on anything boring. It's NOT "just fucking string"... someone had to hand shear a sheep, someone came up with the gorgeous colorway, etc, etc. It deserves a better fate than mediocrity. *looks at yarn* Sweet thang... I'm gonna knit the FUCK outta you! <3

In other news, I spent last night at the meatball's place. We looked at this awesome Guns n' Roses book about the making of Appetite for Destruction his friend sent him, watched some great  old G n'R interviews, had an amazing, toe curling good time... slept, and woke up and did it again. He went off to work, after we had coffee together, and I walked all the way over to the diner across from Hank's Saloon (where Antiseen is playing soon! YAY!) and had lunch (chicken kebab over rice. Why, no... that's NOT in my list of diet friendly foods, why do you ask? ;-) From there, I walked over to the mall, because I needed to pick up a few things at Target. I found an AWESOME squeaky steak toy for my four legged nephew that I think will be really difficult for him to rip apart (at least I hope so!), picked up fish oil capsules and some vitamin B12, and some bedding items. Ohhh, and of course a three pack of soda flavored Lip Smackers... I swear, it's the only balm that works on my poor, abused lips. I still need to call a friend from high school about Pat... meant to do it yesterday but things got a little too hectic. And now my phone needs to charge so... ugh, I need to stop putting it off :-\ I HATE talking on the phone, but I hate talking about sad things on the phone even worse.

Ok... here I go. Bahhhh.    

The darkness lifting... slightly.

Forced myself out of bed today, and forced myself down to Otto's to say goodbye to my boss before she leaves for Nashville tomorrow. It was physically difficult... I've felt weighted down all day, as though I wet wool blanket had settled on me and I couldn't shake it off. I slept most of the day... I've been having really strong and clear dreams lately, so at least there's that. (Apparently there is such thing as decalcifying the pineal gland, and it DOES work. Huh.)

Unexpected awesomeness: Seeing an incredible performance by an old band with a new singer. Lifted my spirits a little, turned my heart over, and made me just a little lighter. A bartender I used to date was there too, and we had a nice conversation... the best part though, was after I left, and walking towards the bus (which I wound up missing twice, and so took the train instead) I saw my Rummybear outside Beauty Bar, where he now works- one of the old security guards from Don Hill's. We had over an hour long conversation, and it lightened me considerably, despite the fact that it was a silly convo that ranged from mice to peeing in bottles to stupid people at bars. He's like a Caribbean Buddha, always smiling, always straightforward and warm and fair. So, just like the old days when I'd spend forever talking to him at Don Hill's, once again I can do it at Beauty Bar, ahaha. Of course, I've been the grateful recipient of much tender loving from my meatball, who is find of showering me with loving text messages and adorable voice notes and videos... that's gone a long way in cheering me up too.

And last, but not least... knitting a scarf with some ridiculous metallic novelty yarn (Flower by Tahki) has also cheered me up. Nothing like knitting or crocheting through grief... especially with ridiculous yarn. I've been tweaking a diamond bobble motif that I'll be naming for Pat, (Hart's Diamond... I still can't type his name without tears welling up, ugh) but the ridiculous yarn seriously has been a lark. I originally started an open mesh type thing, but then decided it would be better off in a drop stitch pattern. So I modified the Vixen pattern from a tank top in the Sensual Knits book to be worked flat... and so far it looks much better. It'll look even better with the dropped stitches, once I get there, but the best part is... it's still gonna look like someone scalped a stripper muppet named Candy Strips or something like that... ahahahaha. As much as I'm obsessed with my craft, nothing is too precious. I can't see myself wearing it though... chances are I'll try selling it at the flea market in Pennsylvania, whenever my sister decides we're going.

I can't stop making typos... it's definitely sleep time now.  

RIP, Pat :-(

Shortly after my last post, I found out an ex boyfriend from high school died in a car crash. He JUST turned 28... he had so much going for him. Just got a new job, just set up a home recording studio... Needless to say, this news kind of threw me for a loop last night. I still went out looking like a million bucks, but damned if I didn't feel like one. Eventually had to leave, because I just couldn't handle it. Almost busted out crying in the cab home... Made it upstairs and just lost it again. I'm not sure why this hit me so hard...  we certainly weren't close anymore. He was a sweet fella and he is sorely missed by everyone. Rest in peace, dude. 

zommmbeehhhhh

...and now I'm thinking that I should use my yarn for something OTHER than an Echo Flowers shawl, and that I should knit the EF shawl in a lace... because after looking through the project gallery, it seems it looks most stunning in lace. Back to the drawing board as far as the yarn goes!


However, I decided to put what I've learned about nupps into action tonight, and did a little practice swatch... I don't see what everyone hates about them! They're quite easy and fun... maybe it's just because I tend to be relaxed when I knit, and so they're loose and not hard to complete? Whatever it was, I accidentally came up with a really cool scarf pattern while practicing... looks a LOT like a spine. I believe I shall make it my second pattern, muahahahaha! As far as that stuff goes, I still need a name for my business. I've been thinking "Little Temple Window Designs", because that's my full name translated, but that's so fucking loooonngggg. Maybe just "Little Window"? I think I'll have a contest to see who can come up with the best name. Winner gets a free hat :-P

Flippin' tired, off to bed now. Had a wonderful text convo with my meatball tonight. He told me how last time we saw each other, and I left to go smoke a cigarette before getting on the train, and he was eating breakfast in the deli on the corner, he was admiring my hair in the sunlight. What a romantic guy he is... must be a Milan thing, hahaha. I told him in return that I adore the way he looks when he wakes up in the morning, with his tousled hair and sleepy face... he always thinks he looks terrible, but he's so adorable!

...any more of this chatter and I will make myself VOMIT hahahaha! Night night :-)

Hip hop hooray...!

90s hip hop and knitting tonight... still plugging away at this lace shrug...  I learned something new today! Actually I learned a bunch of new things, but the two knitting related things were nupps and a garter tab cast on. I'm always amazed every day that I'm still in love with knitting... rabidly in love. Painting, drawing, poetry, violin... they've all fallen by the wayside. Who knows how long this will last, but while it does, I'm gonna milk it.

...I forgot what I was gonna say, haha. Damn, I'm tired. Still doing good on my diet... saw an old friend today for some, uh, "exercise" ;-), and he said I've lost weight... HA! I've been dieting for a whole three days. I'll take it!

AH! I remember now... it looks like I'm going to be acting as agent for a painter friend of mine. He's offering me a 30% commission on everything I help him sell. I don't know how successful we're gonna be (although he's sold over 400 paintings on his own now!) but it's worth a try. He's talented as fuck... I love his work. Hopefully I can figure out a way to get him more exposure... Setting up a facebook page for his work is a good start so far... but I'm gonna figure out more. It'll be an interesting endeavor at any rate, no doubt... hahaha. Ok... I'm too tired to think anymore. Peace out!

Obsessssssed with this damn shawwwllll!!!!!

...and it doesn't even exist yet! I've decided I don't want to do dragon scales with my copper yarn anymore, it's not interesting enough to keep my attention. But the pattern I want doesn't exist apparently... so I'm going to have to make it myself. I woke up dreaming of this stitch pattern... it's insane.

WARE R U SHAWWWWWLLLLLL?! Y U NO REAL?! HOW I MAKE YOU?

Math is SO not my strong point, so this is going to be mighty interesting to work out, I'm sure... there's something I'm just not fucking getting about how you can fit a stitch pattern into a triangle, and it's really frustrating... which means I'm probably just over thinking it and as I'm falling asleep one night it'll suddenly click. Damn brain!

This is soooo not ok.

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/03/19/bloomberg-strikes-again-nyc-bans-food-donations-to-the-homeless/


And yet, I knew about this because two friends of mine were told by police officers that it's illegal to feed the homeless now. The reason the officers gave was that it, and I quote, "encouraged their homelessness"... I find the  so-called "safety" reason to be equally absurd. So it's ok for people to go dumpster diving, is that it? But not ok to eat fresh bagels... Bloomberg is so out of touch with reality, it's fascinating. I think he needs to be dumped in a third world country for a year with no money or shelter. Let's see how fast he changes his tune then! 

I can't stop farting!

And I'm bloated as hell... but all that delicious food was totally worth it. Friday night: melt in my mouth steak. And ribs. Holy fuuuuuck. UNF. Saturday: St. Paddy's day penne a la vodka, with some kind of delicious coconut shrimp appetizer... I think me and my sister were pretty drunk by that point, ahahaha. Poor Alfitz putting up with our shenanigans... I renamed the dog Muttbag McDrunky, because my sister decided we all needed irish names in honor of the holiday. Getting up at the ass crack of dawn today to go to the dog park was no easy task, but it was fun. Afterwards, Al made us the most INSANELY delicious breakfast, like he always does on Sundays... and then we had double decker tacos for lunch, me and sisser painted our nails, and I headed back home. I totally need to go back on a strict diet TOMORROW, no ifs ands or buts. I worked some more on my lace scarf pattern, but I'm too tired to do any more tonight. I want to get it finished though before I put the pattern up here, although I'm so impatient I might just do it tomorrow :-) Gotta send my sweet meatball a good night text and pass the mother fucking fuck OUT. Ahhhhh :-D

t- 60 mins and counting!

I just saw a video my sister put up of my nephew (her dog) getting excited and looking out the front door when she told him I was coming... Awww, I loves my Bert knuckles! This train can't fucking go fast enough...!

Undaunted- Adrenaline Mob

A friend recommended this song... turns out, it's quite appropriate at the moment! Not to mention, wielding steel needles seems to go a lot smoother when listening to metal.

You're all over my face
This is your place
You wannabe!

You're running your big mouth
You're gonna get knocked out
You wannabe!

You step into my life
And I rock it big time
You wannabe!

Don't think you can beat me
You'll never defeat me
You're pushing me!

You wannabe!
I stand undaunted.
You gonna see
I am undaunted.

Kill!

Don't think you can shake me
'cause you'll never break me
You wannabe!

You only get one round
It's time for the takedown
You wannabe!

You're talking the big talk
But I walk the big walk
You wannabe!

You'll never forget me
You'll live to regret me
You're pushing me!

You wannabe!
I stand undaunted.
You gonna see
I am undaunted.

Can't you walk away
Don't you look at me
Listen what I say
You're just a wannabe!


Just walk away
Don't you look at me
Listen what I say
The fear inside of me!
 I stand undaunted
You gonna see
I am undaunted
Don't look back, just walk away

I stand undaunted
You wannabe
I am undaunted.

TAKE THAT, SOCKS!

Tra la la... oh, my ding ding dong!

NPR and fiddly knitting go fabulously well together. Especially when joined in their menage a trois by CAWFEE.   Whether I'll be able to keep doing it until 5am remains to be seen... but dammit, I'm gonna try! I really want to get these suckers done by friday... now that I've done the math and worked it all out, and I'm well on my way with them, they're gonna be awesome. Discovered a new friend on facebook knits too... I don't know how she found me or why she friended me, but I'm glad she did.

I'm pretty sure my new found love of talk radio has to do with my italian stallion and his penchant for falling asleep to it. Somehow it's comforting, but more than that, I've learned so much from the last few hours alone. I've also discovered a super awesome old time radio station that plays all the old programs from the 30s and 40s... so I can listen to Sheriff whatever his name was upholding justice in the Yukon with his trusty husky King! I think that was his name anyway. Highly entertaining and again, oddly comforting. It's called OTR radio and it's on iTunes, in case anyone is interested. Although, no one probably knows about this blog except the post stalker from Rav, unless someone else found it via Rav too. It's cute that I'm still being stalked... I'm flattered that someone would have nothing better to do with 5 minutes of their time than to post stalk me ;-)

I should probably get back to my knitting now, but it feels so good lying on my back, ahhhh... and my eyes are sooo tired... MUST. PUSH. THROUGH.  Even if I have to go for another 32 oz coffee which will mean that I've drank literally a gallon of coffee today, I will prevail! Tomorrow is stitch n' bitch day for real, and I may possibly have to work tomorrow night. Definitely working Thursday, but otherwise, it's all knitting. YARRRGH :-D If I could make a living off this, that would be pretty awesome.... 

Unbridled Joy and Happiness!

...except for bloody gauge swatching. I swear, there's nothing more irritating than having to pause before you leap into a new project. It doesn't ALWAYS bother me, I guess... but I'm dying to knit these gorgeous stirrup socks for my sister with a bird and leaves pattern on them, and since I don't want to follow the whole pattern (there's a weird wedge part up the side where the designer did the decreases down the calf, and I think it's kind of awkward looking) I've got to figure out exactly how many stitches I need for the pattern to repeat and... hm. My knitting ADD is kicking in, and now I'm thinking I should do a different pattern instead, hahaha. And if all else fails, and for some reason I can't get any of the patterns in my head to work out, there's always a simple striped rib pattern, which is after all what she fell in love with on my striped knee socks. But I feel like that's so BORING! and that she deserves better, because I'm certainly capable of doing more. Bah... I'll figure something out. But I've only got 5 days so... yeah. Better figure it out quick :-P

In non knitting related news, I had an EXCELLENT thai dinner with my darling blond soul sister last night, concluding in coconut ice cream (fucking yum!). Annnnd, I slept over the meatball's place again last night. My sweet Italian stallion... we lay there in the dark, spent and intertwined, and he whispered, "I'm so lucky to have found you." D'awww... I'd say I'm pretty damn lucky myself! <3

I s'pose I should get myself some goddamn coffee and get back to work... but... ahh, so sleepy! It'll be worth it though, to see the look on my sister's face when she pulls these babies out of the bag :-D

There's a goddamn rock in my shoe.

This blog became necessary to create for several reasons... I've got too many goddamn thoughts in my head that I need to work out, and I need a place to put up my knitting patterns when they're finally available. That being said, without further ado, let us proceed!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A letter, to one who has wronged me:

A few days ago, you decided that I was no longer a worthy friend for you, and you- without warning or farewell!- deleted me from face book.

Yes, I'm still pissed off over this. You have given me no forum for discussion, no opportunity to defend, explain, or apologize, should I have been made to feel I had in fact, been wrong here... and so you know what? I'm gonna say what I have to fucking say right here and now. And I know you're going to read it, because you like to keep tabs on people you feel are beneath you, in order to make yourself feel better. You certainly did a fantastic job of post stalking me on another website, which I anticipated and so chose my words quite carefully.

You see, had you just been a face book friend, well, whatever! I delete boring people and assholes and rejects all the time. But the fact that we've had some wonderful outings together led me to believe, apparently wrongly, that you would have more respect for me than to just merely let me go, as though I were a fuzz you picked off your sweater. Now, it seems you were offended over something I said in regards to your health issues. It seems you think I was missing the point you were making about your fertility being taken away from you, etc. My sole intent was to cheer you up and ease your worries by encouraging you to focus on YOU, not something that may or may not happen eventually. You chose to interpret my remarks as something ENTIRELY different from what I was trying to convey, and rather than talk to me about it? You slunk off like a weasel. Clearly, you did not have either strength of character nor enough respect to confront me and say, "Hey, let's talk about this. You hurt my feelings and I want to clear it up."

So while I'm getting it all out, I'm really gonna get it all out here, and I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat anything for the sake of niceties. It's time my fucking voice is heard fully on the matter. And I don't give a good god damn what you think.

First of all: Your goddamn smugness. Your oft-repeated catch phrases and words. They are NAUSEATING. Even your sentence structure gets tiresome after a while. It's clear that you are striving for wittiness and integrity; it's not a natural thing for you. And it's only now that I can finally articulate what always irked me about you... this blog is useful already. Fantastic.

Second: You cannot walk at a normal pace down a NYC sidewalk, you are in no fucking shape to have or adopt a child. Count how many times in one month you reference your own "excruciating" pain and how many pills, remedies, etc you need to overcome it. You are in no shape to have a child. Regardless of whether or not you've made progress- you're still in no shape. And you're AMBIGUOUS. You don't even KNOW if you want one... looks like that ship has sailed, madam. And you were clearly not on it, because you weren't decided or fit enough to get on the damn boat. Oops, time to move on with your life!

Third: Your adorable blog posts. Hahaha, look at me, I can blog too! For all the world to see! YAY! "Finesse" is something I use where applicable. I deliberately went for blunt honesty that night, because I thought you worthy of respect (hahaha. Silly me!) and thought you were of sound mind. Silly me again... "Don't go away mad, just go away!" Did you really think I was going to roll over and play dead? You have no authority over me whatsoever. I have every right to defend myself and explain myself. And you know, the whole bit about "mocking" you for expressing your hurt is really funny... because you never expressed it. You just slunk off, tail between your legs.

Your primary focus is obviously NOT you, if you're so concerned about a mini you in the future. My advice was to focus on you; instead, melodrama ensued. And nice condescension on the age thing- a child? I may only be 25 years old, but wasn't it you who so recently sang my praises about the influence I had on you and those around you in letting go of negative people and energies? Ohhh, how quickly we forget! Reminds me of a meme I saw recently: "Oh, you're older than me? Tell me how much wiser and smarter you are." I am not a mere "child", and you of all people know that.

And you call yourself a lady... really? You, who has no concept of what's appropriate lunch conversation when surrounded by people at a nice east village restaurant? No, I do NOT want to hear about your pubes, thank you very much, and neither do the people around us, who had some really painful looks on their faces when you mentioned your graying pubes. Good lord, I'm fucking nauseous just thinking about it. Furthermore, I  was QUITE disgusted to hear of your fascination with bestiality porn. It's one thing to have an open mind, a high tolerance for "ick" factors, etc... but there's a time and place and people to discuss these things with. Be mindful of your company and your audience, for heaven's sakes.

Last but not least, this little gem: "I don't have the time or energy to indulge opinionated, hostile folks who militantly reduce my whole health issues to the global overpopulation issue. Obviously, the focus of all my visits to my doctors in NYC is lost on some folks."   


There's that word again: FOLKS. I am not  "folk." Small point though, really, because what you said after is just SO BATSHIT CRAY CRAY I don't even. ... I'm questioning your literacy at this point, truly! Militantly reduce your whole health issues to global overpopulation? Because I advised you to focus on YOU and not potentialities,  and then tried to cheer you up by mentioning that other people have spawned so much that they practically did it for you? Funny, you mentioned no issue with my off color humor at the time.  And BAM, the last line, there you go- no, the doctor visits are NOT lost on me, which is WHY it's ironic that YOU still think it would be a good idea for you to have a kid, should you ever make up your "ambiguous" mind.  


Unlike your declaration of neutrality, I do wish you well. I wish you mental stability, I wish you'd lose your smugness, and I wish for you what I wish for the rest of the world- that everyone could just be who they are with no pretense or expectations or facades. 


I (think I)  have now said all I need to on the subject, and the matter is finally over in my mind. What a relief that is!




oh... and one more thing, Growly! (as Morel Orel would say) That epic multi site flounce, where you deleted me from a facebook group you started about PLANTS, and where you stepped down as mod of a group on another site and left the group? Really shows your immaturity. The fact that you didn't think yourself capable of coexisting peacefully is fucking hilarious. Thigh slappingly good. Your loss!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now, on to far more awesome things: Today was yarn shopping and gluttony. Tomorrow is stitch n' bitch day with one friend (specifically daisy stitch!), dinner with another girl friend, and then date night. Next weekend, I finally get to go see my sister... I can't wait! If someone had told me at 17 that I'd be this happy and - what's the opposite of lonely?- at 25, I'd have cried and told them to shut up, but maybe I wouldn't have tried to kill myself, hahahaha. Sweet, sweet joy! :-D