I had a spiritual experience a few days ago. I submitted completely to the Universe, to the namesake of this blog (my patron goddess) and I decided to stop struggling and start listening.
She spoke to me.
However rapturous the experience was though, it's not paying my bills. I'm still stressed, still panicky, still feeling bogged down one minute and horribly optimistic the next. I have been told repeatedly now to study the ancient knowledge, to learn... I don't even know what exactly I'm supposed to learn about. Or what texts I should be studying. What subjects I should be concerning myself with. Regardless, it's not going to help me make money TODAY. And I cannot concentrate on anything other than my financial situation when my financial situation is in dire straits.
In other news, my sister is getting married today, and obviously, I'm not there... I don't make it a habit to hang out with my abuser (the aunt I grew up with). My sister knew I wasn't going, months ago. She hasn't talked to me in months, hasn't bothered to pick up the phone to see how I am, didn't bother to invite me to her bachelorette party which was RIGHT HERE IN THE CITY... and yet, she cried when I reminded her on the phone that I wasn't coming, denying that she remembered the two conversations we had about it. WHAT THE FUCK, WOMAN. So I felt like rancid, rotten shit. I never, ever would want to make my sister cry. But seriously, what the fuck.
So, rotten fuckery all around here. Regardless, I'm plodding on. It's all just a slow march to death anyway.
She spoke to me.
However rapturous the experience was though, it's not paying my bills. I'm still stressed, still panicky, still feeling bogged down one minute and horribly optimistic the next. I have been told repeatedly now to study the ancient knowledge, to learn... I don't even know what exactly I'm supposed to learn about. Or what texts I should be studying. What subjects I should be concerning myself with. Regardless, it's not going to help me make money TODAY. And I cannot concentrate on anything other than my financial situation when my financial situation is in dire straits.
In other news, my sister is getting married today, and obviously, I'm not there... I don't make it a habit to hang out with my abuser (the aunt I grew up with). My sister knew I wasn't going, months ago. She hasn't talked to me in months, hasn't bothered to pick up the phone to see how I am, didn't bother to invite me to her bachelorette party which was RIGHT HERE IN THE CITY... and yet, she cried when I reminded her on the phone that I wasn't coming, denying that she remembered the two conversations we had about it. WHAT THE FUCK, WOMAN. So I felt like rancid, rotten shit. I never, ever would want to make my sister cry. But seriously, what the fuck.
So, rotten fuckery all around here. Regardless, I'm plodding on. It's all just a slow march to death anyway.
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