Working it, ugh.

Ok, so far I really enjoy my job. I get to actually go out and make money tomorrow, which is nice, although I already won a cash prize for doing a sales pitch really well. Today I even got a fist bump from my boss, for thinking on my feet and being in control of the situation while role playing. Tomorrow, I get to go out and try it for real... while wearing the stuuuuuuuupid fucking shirt and even STUUUUUPIDER visor. A FUCKING VISOR, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS INJUSTICE?! Fortunately, we do NOT have to wear khakis. I am the anti khaki. I REFUSE to wear khakis. Khakis are for people who don't have a choice, and bland people with no souls. And maybe 1% are affluent people who wear them because they are de rigeur and convey "professionalism." Oh, and maybe the other 1% are people on safari. Did I mention I hate khakis? :-P

The only issues I'm having so far are the hours- while they could be far, far worse, I am NOT a morning person. I usually feel unwell in the morning as a result of lack of sleep and dehydration from way more activity and sun exposure than I'm used to from the day before, but I've found that when I get myself a big ass gatorade to take with me in the morning, I feel ok. I usually develop a headache at some point, which is why I take my pills with me every day now, and I try to get some caffeine in me at some point. Another issue is the commute- I've tried a few different routes now, but I've discovered the best ones are the ones with the least amount of bus travel. Less invitation for nausea that way.

The third, and final issue? One of the people who was hired with me. This woman Cheryl. I'm pretty fucking sure now, that she's on the spectrum ifyouknowwhatimean, so I guess I can't be too hard on her. But her endless stupid questions and things she fixates on, plus her total lack of social skills and professional behavior, just fucking aggravates me to no end. I know I'm not the only one, either. But so far, my boss has had the patience of a saint with her, though he's showing signs of cracking- but hey, that's what you get for hiring everyone who shows up :-P

OK, well, cross yer fingers and wish me luck tomorrow. Thor knows I'm gonna fucking need it!

I see the light at the end of the tunnel... and it's not a train!

Got hired for the job today, BOOM! Hiring manager informed me he thinks I'll do very well because I'm "bubbly and full of life." Yeah, clearly we just met ;-) Average person in my position makes 1k a week. I am SO DOWN WITH THIS. Just have to get over my dislike of having to wear a blue polo shirt.

It was pretty much a nightmare though, the whole process. Getting there wasn't so bad, except the walk from the train was way longer than I bargained for, so tomorrow I'm changing my route. But upon getting there, had to wait in line for 20 minutes or so, then we filed into a building that wasn't nearly as air conditioned as it needed to be. Waited another 30 minutes or so for the manager to show up- apparently he got stuck in traffic. Extremely unprofessional, but ok, I'll let it slide. We're all human.

What I could NOT let slide was the endless tangential jibber jabber that came out of his mouth. I appreciate you trying to connect to the people in the room- but this isn't a stand up routine, hurry the fuck up and interview us so we can get out of here! Didn't get interviewed until about 2pm, by which time I was thoroughly light headed from heat, lack of sleep, and low blood sugar, on the verge of hallucinating and/or passing out, and chewing Alka Seltzer chewy bits just to stay alive. But I made it, and was reminded afterwards just how shitty Burger King is. (Seriously, McDonald's is 1000000000000 times better.)

Still felt shitty after, and I think this was also because me+sunlight in summer= OH FUCK NO CRISIS. My skin freaks out, and I sweat and turn alarmingly red. I was probably dehydrated too, which is why the altercation that happened on the Q7 bus seriously pissed me off. I'll just copy and paste what I already wrote somewhere else, because I need to go to bed soon.

"I’m on the bus, and I’m praying it’s a short bus ride, because I really wasn’t feeling well… when this lady decides she’s going to take 4 kids AND a skateboard, 2 scooters, AND A BICYCLE on the bus… which was not a double length bus. Bus driver tells her flat out, no. You’re gonna take up too much space with all that, not on my bus. Lady gets all I KNOW MY RIGHTS, whips out her phone, and threatens to call someone. Then decides instead to VIDEOTAPE THE BUS DRIVER while asking her where it says she can’t bring a bike on the bus. Bus driver starts getting hysterical about being filmed (understandably so), finally relents and says OK, but you have to go in the back, DO NOT BLOCK ANYONE’S PATH, and you have to pay full fare for all the kids. (Not unreasonable, that’s the rules- they are all over 5.) Lady does NOT pay for the kids, says no other bus driver has ever asked her to before, and so she’s not paying because she’s not prepared to. Bus driver gets SO AGITATED, she stops the bus, gets off, starts talking on her cell, and informs us we all need to take the bus behind us, because this bus is now out of service. While boarding next bus, SURPRISE! two incidents in which the kids injured fellow passengers with their equipment.

Listen, lady, I understand your dilemma. But do YOU understand that by imposing yourself and the kids like that, you just fucked up a whole lot of people’s days? Un fucking believable. Pick your battles better!"

Could not fucking believe the nerve this woman had. So eager to paint herself as a victim, without once thinking of the people around her. Especially the poor bus driver, whose nerves were clearly already shot. Is it wrong of me to hope that when the woman complains (because she made it clear she would report the driver) that they side with the driver? The driver could certainly have handled it better, but she was definitely not in the wrong. ARGGGGHHHHHH, bitches be crazy. 

Ok, I'm going to sleep now, much to the chagrin and sadness of my fella, but I think he'll get used to it. Hopefully Groucho won't feel the need to be such an astute alarm clock tomorrow morning... this morning she woke me up 40 minutes early! (and then announced I needed to get up by rabbit kicking my chin. Brat. And then watched me shower. Oh, little creepy pest cat, I love you so <3)

The View From The Bottom

So here I am, at the very fucking bottom of the well. And I'm finding some sort of bitter amusement in those around me. It's funny how when you are literally unable to pay for your own existence, all that petty shit that people around you whine about seems so fucking trivial, though I'd never say it. Because I know it's a matter of perspective. Money really does rule the world. But seriously, you're upset because your morning coffee wasn't hot/cool/sweet/light/dark enough? You poor thing. I'm late on rent and have nothing to wear to my job interview on wednesday... and I mean nothing. I don't have "professional" clothes. And I cannot, at the moment, afford to go buy any. Not even at Goodwill, which is where I'd shop even if I could afford better. If my boyfriend did not feed me, I'd be starving right now. That being said, I know lots of other people have it much worse. I know I've got shelter, access to clean water, blah blah... but that doesn't make my problems any better. Just like my problems don't make anyone else's petty bullshit better. Besides, I get to kiss 2 fluffy white cat bellies every day... that, in my eyes, makes me fucking blessed <3

Back up the charlie car, you say... INTERVIEW?! Yeah, I am going to an interview on Wednesday in a pain in the ass spot to get to. It's pretty much right where LI technically begins. The pay and benefits (full, after 90 days) are pretty awesome, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate the job, though I'm also pretty sure they're going to hire me, just because they need bodies. They've got a high turnover, and I doubt I'll be one of the shining stars. But even if I'm only there for a few weeks, it'll get me back on my feet.

And as far as interview clothes go, it looks like I might have a gig tonight, and if not I can probably get one either tonight or tomorrow, or I can beg more money off my fella. Like I did the other day so I didn't lose my bank account. Or like a few days ago when I needed to pay off last week's rent :-P

Fucking hell. I know it can get a lot worse, but I'm hoping and working for it to get a lot better. Fingers crossed. I've even deactivated my FB account, I've been so fucking frustrated. Just didn't want to say something to someone I didn't mean. Also got super sick of seeing made up drama and bullshit. It's easy when you're struggling to survive to lash out at people who don't have real problems. And I don't want to be that girl.

Off I go, today is grocery shopping day. Whoo hoo. But there's also pizza, so there's that. I swear, sometimes I think I don't deserve my fella. Other times, I think I can't stand him. But I still don't deserve him ;-)

Surrealism.

Good lord, today was weird. Last night, I found out that an old friend of mine (whom I'd unfortunately lost contact with, as had almost all of his friends in NYC, when he moved upstate suddenly) passed away. Here's a picture of us, about 6 years ago- this was before I gained weight and I was a cute little blond thing :-P

I was working for a promoter at the time, which is how I met "Nick." Why the quotes? Well, as the four of us from the music scene side of his life learned today, that wasn't his name at all. I knew him as a shaman of sorts- he was an INCREDIBLE performer, and he had this pre-show ritual where he'd lay out an animal hide of some sort, with assorted oddities on top- animal bones, feathers, incense, tarot cards, and dice (which I'd often blow on before he rolled them out, for luck). He captivated people, left them completely spellbound by the end of his performances. And he was SO AUTHENTIC in his persona, his wild man, mystic shaman persona, that I could think of him no other way. Sometimes he'd rescue me from the chaos and bullshit that inevitably comes with working in the music scene, and we'd go to a quiet bar or get something to eat together, getting to wherever we were going in his 1985 pickup truck. He was a truly rare gem in a sea of people trying to stand on each other.

So imagine my shock today- the four of us who knew him as this man, standing outside the funeral home, passing a flask around in his honor- when I- we all, really- learn that not only was his name completely different, but we only knew half the man! He wasn't entirely a wild man loner, as I had imagined. He had a whole bunch of family, most of whom he wasn't in touch with anymore either, and while we had no idea that he played hockey, was a celebrated architect, etc- imagine his family's surprise when they found out he was in a band, and what a band!

Seeing his picture up there is really tearing at me right now. Apparently he died of a heart defect that he was born with. I know there's no such thing as gone too soon- you go when you're supposed to go, otherwise you wouldn't go- but I wish I could give him one last hug and kiss and tell him how much I appreciate him and love him. Even though I only knew half of him, I was so fortunate to have met even just that half.

Wherever you are Nick (because that's how I know you best), please know you are loved and missed. Be at peace- though I suspect you are, because you were never entirely of this world as far as I'm concerned. You will always have a place in my heart <3

Progress...!

Ok, so I seem to have gotten the hang of making a knit in hem pretty quickly. Finished the first one, currently working on the second one, and I'll get as much done tonight as I can, limited only by the amount of yarn I've plied. And speaking of which, I need to put a LOT less spin in it. Fortunately though, I've got plenty of Time Team episodes to keep my company throughout this endeavor. The UK is so goddamn beautiful, I wish I could just pack my shit and move there.

Well, I intend to have this done by my birthday in 10 days, so I better get a move on. Speaking of my birthday... ;-)

Give me your money, stop acting funny!